growing up mommy (pt. 1)

I never wanted to be a mom.  When I was fifteen, I decided that I would never have kids.  I grew up with a slightly younger brother and he put my parents through hell.  I knew that I could never survive going through what they had.  What if my kid did drugs or was in a gang?  What if my kid treated me with no respect, cursed at me, threatened me? No thanks!  I wasn’t going to take that risk. Then, there was also the fact that I was selfish.  I wanted to do what I wanted, when I wanted, so I didn’t need the responsibility of a child. I decided that children would NOT be in my future.  I also heard that child birth is quite painful, just something else that told me I was making the right choice.  That was it, end of discussion.

 Or so I thought…

I had a pregnancy scare once.  I took one of those home tests and it came out positive.  I thought, this can’t be happening.  I totally freaked out.  What was I going to do?  I can’t have a baby, I didn’t want to have a baby.  I went to the doctor to take an “official” test and it came back negative.  The relief that I thought I would feel didn’t come right away.  I actually felt disappointment.  I didn’t know what to think of that. Fortunately, I got over it pretty quick.  But, I still wondered why I felt disappointment of all things, after all…  I did NOT want a baby.  Funny how the human mind works.

But, I put those thoughts behind me…

I eventually forgot about the “scare.”  I was married at nineteen and divorced by twenty three and fortunately, thanks to birth control and the thought that my husband wasn’t mature enough to have a baby (his immaturity being one of the many reasons for the divorce), there were no kids involved.  So that chapter of my life was easily closed.

It was time to move on…

I spent the next seven or so years trying to casually date, but that was never my thing.  I wasn’t a dater, I was more of a relationship girl.  I found myself in a couple of long term relationships, but the thought of marriage never came up and you can’t talk about kids if you don’t talk about marriage.  So again, the thought of having kids or not, wasn’t a huge concern.

One chapter ends, another begins…

In December of 2005, the three year relationship I was in came to an end.  I had turned thirty one, three months prior, and now I found myself back on the “dating scene.”  Now, what are the chances of me finding a nice guy, who doesn’t have kids?  Honestly, I didn’t have high hopes.  The guys that didn’t have kids were way too young and definitely not ready to grow up.  The guys that were close to my age, or what I considered age appropriate for dating, already had kids.  They either had kids with ex-wives or ex-girlfriends.  So, not only did you have to deal with kids, you had to deal with the exes as well.  And if I didn’t want kids, I definitely didn’t want baby mama drama.  That just wasn’t going to happen.

But, what did I know?…

It didn’t take long for Prince Charming to show up and sweep me off my feet. You guessed it, he had three little cuties, and they were a package deal.

And this is where my real adventure began…

One thought on “growing up mommy (pt. 1)

  1. Pingback: growing up mommy (pt. 2) – know my heart

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